Come, sit on my laps
Once again, it’s a quagmire of feelings
Once again, you’re drawn into
The arms of a waiting stranger
Uncle something, he was your father’s friend
I CARRIED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A BABY
The hug lingers for longer than you’re comfortable
His heavy hands are on the small of your back
Touching your butt without really touching it
It’s not his fault
You’re a small child, only six
He carried you when you were a baby
Come, sit on my laps
Hey, fine girl
My small wife
See as you yellow like mammy water
He pulls you so hard you can feel your arms ripping off
You pull back, he’s a stranger in a crowded market
You’re only 8, but you know better than to let him win
Your aunt stands nearby
Laughing at your weak struggles
He leaves you, you walk away
DON’T STRUGGLE NEXT TIME, DO YOU SEE ANY BEAUTIFUL WELL BEHAVED GIRLS DOING THAT
There’ll be a next time?
You’re white with fear, but you learn
Beautiful, well-behaved girls don’t struggle
Come, sit on my laps
Oh wow, look how big you’ve gotten
Another uncle something; hasn’t seen you in years
Can I still carry you sef
Come, sit on my laps
You’re apprehensive, you pause
Answer your uncle
WHEN AN ELDER ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DON’T DISOBEY
You’re only 5, you go
He perches you comfortably
Close to his chest and away from his bony knees
His hands start to wander
He’s having grownup talks, distracted
You feel something beneath you, you squirm
He holds you in place, you squirm some more
The child is bored, let her go and play
You’re thankful for the escape
Come, sit on my laps
When Shawn puts his hand up your shirt, you don’t like it
You want to scream, to push him away
You don’t, you’re beautiful and well-behaved, you don’t do that
You stay there and let him have his way
All your sexual encounters go that way
You don’t want to, he does, so you lie there and take it
A WOMAN’S JOB IS TO PLEASE HER MAN
You don’t want to anger anyone
At least they’re kind and gentle, they tell you you’re pretty, buy you things, give you attention
It is their right
Beautiful, well-behaved girls don’t struggle, don’t speak up
They lie there, and they please their man, whoever he is in that moment
Come, sit on my laps
You learn to dissociate
You create a safe space, a happy place, deep in your mind
You go there whenever he touches you
You’ve practiced arching your back and moaning at intervals
He doesn’t notice you’re not there, doesn’t care really
You’re a hole, created solely for his pleasure
You don’t complain, you’re a good girl, you understand
IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO SAY NO
Come, sit on my laps
Come, straddle me
Come, get on all fours
Come, sit on my laps
Every time, you say yes; every time, you wish you were dead.
