If you don’t get the second part of the heading, that’s alright, it’s an inside joke.
At the start of 2019 I made a pledge to read 30 books this year. It was a tad bit ambitious, especially because I knew this was going to be one of the busiest years of my life but we locomote.
I started out in January on a pretty good note, I read 8 books, EIGHT!!! It was amazing, I was literally walking on clouds after I finished the last book of the month. Ironically, that was also the last time I was really happy this year.
I will not mince words or try to sugarcoat, this year has been shit. But I read 30 books this year, I’m not a failure.
A lot of things went wrong this year, plans I made fell through, key areas of my life literally went up in flames. But a lot of things went right too.
I’d say one of the most exciting things this year is working with Workaroo Teju Adeyinka is doing something amazing and I’m glad I get to be a part of it.
The worst thing that happened this year? I’d say losing my grip on my life. Anyone who really knows me would call me a robot and not be wrong because my life is just that organised. (Full Disclosure: they call me that because of how I walk). This year was the year I realised that you can’t plan everything out. And thanks to Itoro Bassey I’m learning to take things one step at a time and not beat myself half to death whenever something doesn’t go according to plan.
In many ways, this has been the worst year of my life, I’ve failed at numerous things (by my standards because if you ask any other person they’d disagree), I’ve been broken, bent into odd shapes, but I read 30 books this year, which is proof that I’m not a failure.
You’re probably wondering why I keep coming back to the heading. Let me put you out of your misery. First, some pictures
There were months this year where I read nothing at all. Books I read for over two months before completing. There’s are two books I finished in December that I’d been reading since January and July respectively.
I digress. Sometime in November, I realised I was far behind on my reading goal and it was the only thing I still had any influence over in 2019. So I decided that I was going to meet my reading goal, by any means possible, and it’d be proof that I’m not a total failure.
I ended up reading 14 books in about 27 days and proving to myself that I’m not a failure. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I couldn’t do it, I don’t like to think about it; it’s a rabbit hole and I’m no Alice.
Anyway, 2019 is finally ending, I hold no dreams of a better 2020, but for the first time in months I’m at peace in one aspect of my life. I'm NOT a failure, I said I was going to read 30 books this year and I did it. There are still many areas of my life that are on fire, but this win is my win and mine alone and I will ride it’s waves for as long as I can.
My name is Emmanuella, I read 30 books this year, and I am not a failure.
